resurfaced

it’s incredible how much a comment from a stranger would affect you.

i’ve been contemplating to resume my blog again for a while. i’ve been fiddling with that thought in my mind. however, due to the hectic schedule that i kept during the past year, i’ve procrastinated and gave myself reason to be lazy.

recently i was checking my email and i found a comment on this blog, waiting to be approved. wow!! boy,  i was really touched. i have never thought that these words of mine would have any affect on anyone. that comment made me want to try to keep my blog again.  thank you, for those kind words of yours. i am really happy to have someone who appreciates my ramblings. =)

i promise to keep writing. and i’ll do it soon.

it’s that time of the year again

wow. time flew. really fast this time. i barely had the time to breathe. things are going great. i guess at this point, i can barely ask for more.

on the personal front, everything is good, not easy, but good. there will always be ups and downs, it just a matter of how you, as a couple, handle it.

on the career front, well… things have been hectic. and it will continue to be, for the next 3 months at least. i might not even be able to take leave for chinese new year. but it’s great. i enjoy my job. i like my bosses. i love my team. they are fantastic. it feels as if we are of one family. work is as usual, tiring, but for once, it’s nice to enjoy your work and get paid for it.

i get more exposure here. i learn loads of new things. and the best thing is, i am more aggressive. more sure of myself, more confident. my bosses encourage me to be more aggressive. yet at the same time, be nice. it’s a nice feeling, to be appreciated.

on another note, i went to gucci today and saw a bag that i really like!!!!! should i buy it or not? it’s quite pricey though… hmm… i wonder whether i’ll get bonus this month… aiksssssssss

p/s it’s 1.26am and i’m still thinking of the bag. the more i look at it, the more i’m in love.sigh… lalalalalalalaaaaa… should i? should i not? should i? should i not? aaaaaaarrggghhhh

Protected: one day i will….

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times when happiness eludes me

times when happiness eludes me, i gather up my strength and i give happiness a chase. i do what i can, with my everything, in pursuit of happiness.

i’ve been thinking of getting away from here for a little while. perhaps go on a holiday? ’bout time i turn my dream of traveling into a reality. i wish to travel alone… but i don’t have the guts, for fear of being lonely. aargh. i should just take the plunge.

once i manage to find a place of my own, i’ve been thinking to decorate it, to become a comfy room, my safe haven. perhaps, once i’ve done it, i will no longer be afraid of being alone for hours straight in the room. maybe i’ll be more comfortable staying there without needing to constantly go out.

seems like everything that i want to do, requires money. sigh.

note: money cannot buy happiness, but money assist people to temporarily forget their woes.

decided yet undecided

what do you do when the decision has been made yet your heart wants it differently? i know that based on logical deductions, the decision is the right one.

dear Lord, give me the strength.

home is where the heart belongs

people says that home is where the heart belongs. my heart is elsewhere, not where i am currently residing. yet, where my heart is, i am not welcomed. so where do i go? where is home? where will i finally feel that i belonged? when will i finally get rid the feeling of insecurity? when will sleep come to me? when will those words, these thoughts stop haunting me? wherever i turn to, wherever i hide, it’s there. my heart is still there. somewhere i cannot call home. somewhere that i yearn to be at.

when did love stop being enough? when did promises turned into mere words? when did dreams were shattered and hearts were brokened? when did hopes turned into disappointments? when did appologies turned into meaningless speech? when did we start taking each other for granted? when did it became just me and not us?

the days dragged on. when i’m at work, i wished i’m at home. when i’m at home, i wished i’m at work. it became a meaningless blur. when i’m with friends, i feel sleepy. yet when i reach home to sleep, i toss and turn, thinking when will daylight break. i thought the cough mixture was supposed to make me drowsy and sleepy. when day break, my eyes are as puffy as durian puffs.

it is extremely hard now. time will heal. and i’m just waiting for that time to come.

4 years and it boils down just to a cheque. it’s not worth only that, it’s much more, at least to me.

the rain cloud is just following me wherever i go now. remember to bring an umbrella when you want to be near me.

it has been a pleasure

it has been like riding on a tiny life boat on a volatile sea. sometimes when the sun comes up and the sea is calm, it was heavenly basking on that lifesaver. but when the rage of the sea kicks in, the sun disappears and darkness surrounds you, it took every ounce of my energy to cling onto that life boat. and yet, i go on, hoping for the glimpse of heaven, waiting for the sunshine to fill me with warmth again. only, only when the life boat throw me overboard, and me unable to catch up, did i ever give up. yet, i’m still waiting for that tiny lifeboat to come back, for the sea to be calm again, and for sunshine to smile upon me again. perhaps, one day, i’ll stumble upon another boat.

i hope then, it will no longer be raging seas.

two sides to a story

i’ve thought long and hard, whether to password protect this post. should i conceal what is in my heart, conceal what is going on in my mind? should i? or should i just let it out and hopefully it will be gone, blown away by the wind?

i’ve heard it long before, that happiness lies in your own hands. the one deciding thy fate, would be thyself. 

i have my own explanation, my own rationale. i am my own person.

as much as i would like to make you happy, as much as i like to say i am sorry and that i can change, i can’t. because i know it’s not true. i do not want to lie. i do not want to give empty promises. it’s me. i can’t change anymore.

i know that i disappoint you. i know that you want it differently, trust me, i want it to.  but there’s just some things i can’t change and i know i can’t meet your expectations.

i am human. i cannot be perfect.

i know there’s two sides to a story. i have mine and you have yours. i can understand that. and i also understand that if that matter is of the utmost importance to you, a prerequisite to you, i know how it feels.

i’m not going to ask for understanding because i know you can’t. and i also know that you can’t accept it.

oh my oh my.. the coming of age

the people around me are getting married… i’ve got 6 weddings to attend to… from july till end of this year. i’ve got at least 6 weddings to attend next year. GOSH… what’s with the wedding frenzy…..

are these signs? what are they hinting? and my best friend is getting married!!!!! the girl i’ve known for the past 22 years and who is also my god sister is getting married! i am so happy for her.

things change so rapidly. i still remember the conversation i had with her some time back, where she is saying she would be the last to get married among our circle of friends… and now, she is the FIRST! LOL

i’m happy for her. such a romantic act….. i wonder how it’s like, being up there on cloud nine and in the midst of everything, being proposed to!!! i’m so happy that she found someone that is so right, that loves her and treasure her for who she is… i’m gonna go green soon…. my dear friend, i congratulate you from the very bottom of my heart.

my initial reaction towards her news was sheer shock. i did not expected it, coming from her but as i got used to it, i found it uplifting and i am really looking forward to it.

who knows, maybe there are babies coming in, next year! =P

i am growing up, indeed. with or without me wanting for it.

better in time

i just feel like writing. i want to express myself. i’ve been reading a lot recently. i’ve been absorbed into worlds created by the authors. sigh. sometimes i wonder whether my thirst for more from my life is because i read too much. hahahaha

this weekend have been a TVB drama marathon. i sat in front of the tv, watching ASTRO ON DEMAND, forensic heroes 2. i could not pull myself away from the tv… and now, i feel as if i wasted my weekend away.

for the past few days, migraines have been tailing me, following me wherever i go. i wonder why. the weather has been erratic… a week ago it was raining cats and dogs, and recently, it is so hot…. must make a mental note to drink more water.

sometimes i get emotional over nothing, just by listening to songs, and feeling the blues. its only then my mental block for writing goes away, and words just simply pour out from within me. if you noticed my title, better in time.. its a song that i am listening to, inspiring me to spew out words.

i wish to be better. a better person. i tend to always seek for things, things that can bring happiness and along the way, i think i lost the plot. i lost the way. i lost myself. i simply dont know what i want. if only, there is a dummy guide, steps for happiness. i think the key to happiness is contentment but at the same time, i refused to be too contented simply because i think it hinders progress. for example, if i were to be contented 2 years ago, just by working as an unimportant do it all girl around the office, then i wouldn’t be where i am today. i would not have take the leap out of my comfort zone and reach for higher limits.

aargh. confused, neurotic, phobic me. i’m learning i’m learning. i’m just beginning to learn how to stop obsessing how to be happy and just focus on life. i’m just gonna do my best, and let things be how it wants to be. let go all controls, and have faith in God, He will guide me. and in time, i WILL become better.